Do I feel safe? What do I need to do to feel safe? Explore asking this question through the day. I find that the more I do it, the more my system relaxes. We become one connected unit, deeply attuned to our body, heart and mind.

Rather than the exercise being an intellectual one, explore safety via your senses, breath, body and emotions. It’s like we are running a CT scan of ourselves. Our attitude is key, it needs to be one of curiosity, openness and genuine willingness to listen and understand. We don’t need to go anywhere to practice authentic listening and safe dialogue, our entire system is right there, ready, waiting and yearning to be seen, held, and welcomed, by us. It does not matter if the world outside says we are great, if we have voices inside that invalidate us, that will always win. It wins in the form of an inner pain or doubt that we just can’t get rid of.

Remember the voices that criticize are not bad. It’s not about killing or eradicating any voice. But it’s to see that criticism and judgement come from lack – the critical voice in us has learnt that shaming or guilting is a wonderful driver. All this voice wants is for you to reach some goal. Usually the critical voices are protecting wounded parts that were made to feel less than. And these parts internalized the message into beliefs that essentially say something like “I am not enough”. So see if you can understand the motives of this critical voice and maybe even the why. If there’s a voice that says you need to do more, it’s not enough, see if there’s a tiny voice in the shadow that says something else – like let’s rest, let’s play, I’m tired. If we have one voice, we also have the opposite…it’s just a voice in the shadow often who gets ignored.